So you know when you take a billion pictures on your camera phone and then forget about them? Or transfer them to your hard drive and let them rot? Well I do that all the fucking time..
So instead I made this, about 1400 photos over a few months, all jammed back to back.
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Preamble and general warnings. Disclaimers and such. Here be dragons. Etc.
Before I begin I would like to point out that this post should not be read by sensitive persons, easily offended persons, overly religious persons or anyone else. I shall be using some pretty harsh language here and I don't want any complaints. If you are the kind of person who after this warning will STILL read this post and then give me shit about it, well, I suggest that you go and do a google image search for "goatse" or "mantrain" and then shut the hell up, because this is the internet and there is some really horrible crap out there. This post is taaaame by comparison. This is your last chance to turn back.
Really. Go now.
This is the last time I write about the fish because lets be honest, they're not that interesting. Even Big Bad Barry told me that he'd had enough. So, unless there we have to do a Big Bad Fish Flush you will not hear about them again.
But this is where they shall be living.. (and I wonder why the water is so cloudy? I think that Kev and Nigel have been smoking at the back of The Stone)
So this is where they'll live and probably die. I made these shelves last year. Seem to have survided pretty well!
*[EDIT] - Thanks to popt, the other fish are now called "Mustard", "Gherkin" and "Pickle" in no particular order.
OR: How To Illuminate Your Fish Tank. OR: Do you like fish sticks? Yes? Then you're a gay fish.
Today was a busy day. I started it by leaping off the couch - Elizabeth is ill so guess who gets my bed? - and landing flat on my face. I tried again and succeeded in finding my legs on the second attempt. They were under me all the time! Who knew. I got dressed and went upstairs to wake up the school-going kids but found that both of them were quite ill. They were in no state for education today! Now that I didn't have to make lunch and generally shout at smaller people I could do what I really like doing in the mornings.. I went back to sleep.
When you lot were in work I was sleeping! It. Was. Awesome. Seriously, try it. It rocks.
However I was woken up at about 10 by the sound of small children engaged in nuclear war or butchering baby seals or playing with lego (it's hard to tell really, their activities all tend to sound like "arrrrraaaagggghhhhhhhhhhhhh waaaaaaaaaaah wallop crash wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee blarrrragh").
So began the day. I did a bunch of coding, did a lot of caffiene, did some more code and a fair bit of photoshop. Then I lost interest and decided to bring the kids to the playground because I was going to murder the little bastards. Seriously, they were making the above noise CONSTANTLY since they got up and I couldnae take and more cap'n. It was then that popt_art told me that I might like to bring the kids to the pet shop and buy a few fish for our new aquarium.
You see, a week or so ago Elizabeth in her Queen Of The Fucking Universe wisdom decided that she needed to relocate some tadpoles from her Nan's pond and bring them home. 12 seconds after the tadpoles arrived in our house Elizabeth in her Exceptionally Irritating way, utterly forgot about them. Popt_art and I however found ourselves quite taken by the wee froglets and they became known as Gordon and Bennet. Sadly we have no feckin' clue on how to look after tadpoles.
As luck would have it, the other day I spotted "My First Aquarium" for sale next to the ski-wear and Electric Arc Welder in Aldi's "Weird Crap" section and mentioned this fact to popt_art. So it was in this fashion that we ended up with a small fish tank and two tadpoles floating forlornly in the middle of it. We put in green stuff and everything. Gordon and Bennet should have LOVED it in there, but noooooo, the spoiled little goits didn't like it one bit. Because popt_art is generally nicer than me to living creatures I could potentially have in a sandwich, she decided to release Gordon and Bennet back into their pond whilst I distracted the crap out of the kids in the pet shop.
Bennet! Gordon was hiding. That's froglets for you.
And that's how I found myself at about 6pm this evening talking seriously to the proprietor of the pet shop about different types of slimy things that basically do fuck all and require a LOT of attention. Hmm, they're a bit like me actually. Sweeeeet.
When I started this blog it was my every intention to fill it full of witty articles, funny stories and stuff that people would actually want to read. Of course that didn't happen and now I post the kind of crap that I wouldn't read if I seen it on someone elses website.
But hey, this is my blog and no-one is forcing you to read this shit now are they? (If someone is forcing you to read this I'm really sorry. I'll put in a picture of some tits at the bottom of the post. Something to look forward to eh? Unless you don't like boobies. Oh dammit, ok I'll leave out the boobies.)
ANYWAY.
Apparently it's Summer. Above the clouds the sun is shining away like mental and it's lovely weather for tanning. Unfortunatly we live beneath the clouds and most days we view the world as if we're inside a ping-pong ball. A ping-pong ball where the sprinkler system is on all day. A windy ping-pong ball. Ok, that metaphor is breaking down but you should get the drift by now.
So popt_art has been brightening up our world a bit by planting all manner of lovely things in our tiny garden. She needs her own blog on how she's managed to get it all nice because I don't really know or care about looking after flowering plants.
OH - I should point out that most if not all of these plants would be very dead if it wasn't for the loving attentions of Ajius Asikander who watered, stroked and sang to the plants when we were away for a week. You can has a cucumber for your troubles.
The flower garden..
Her green fingered talents have not stopped there, oh no. Last month (ish) she sowed some vegetable seeds. Alas, none of them died and now we have zero floor space in our conservatory. I'll probably update this post as the plants develop - but these are the lovely veggies she has on the go at the moment.
Evening.
Last year as an experiment we bought some teeny tiny tomato plants from B&Q. They cost about two euro and didn't look very good. So we planted them in pots waaaaaay to small and left them on the windowsill in the conservatory (no, we're not posh. It's a teeeny conservatory and it's falling apart with cracked windows and rotting windowframes. It was here when we moved in OK? If it was a horse it'd be shot by now.) Anyway! The tomato's went frigging MAD and hit about 7 foot tall in a few weeks and produced so much fruit that we had to start giving it away.
So this year in we've decided to do MORE. And BIGGER. BETTER. FASTER. VEGGIER. However, we don't have the space to plant anything. The garden is smaller than our bedroom, but that did not deter the lovely popt_art from planting approximately 48 trillion seeds. She has managed to germinate everything from carrots to radishes, probably green beans and definelty some wossnames. Every available surface in the conservatory is covered with trays full of seedlings for something or other.
The kids are getting bigger.. And louder. But mainly bigger.
The downside to this is they needed new beds. Turns out beds are expensive.. So I knocked this up in 3DSMax..
If we don't feed the kids for weeks they actually look like this.
Again, this made out of old junk and stuff..
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After a couple of storms it is not looking nearly so pretty. Still spins though!
It was my intention to build fifty or so of these and litter them around the public areas in Galway until I realised that
a) they're REALLY dangerous when spinning. I forsee chopped off hands.
b) in high winds the CD's tend to fly off and travel at least 25 miles before embedding themselves in something, Hellraiser stylee
c) on the Claddagh at least these things'd rightly screw up the local wildlife. Terns, geese and swans probably wouldn't like it.
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because brain-farts are better out than in
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